Chris Sabo’s Goggles

I’m not a proponent of user-comments on websites.  There, I said it.  That’s not to say that they don’t serve their purpose in the right environment, under the right conditions, with the right people, though.  For example, I think the way Red Reporter utilizes comments during game-action is quite good.  As long as people stay on topic.  But people rarely stay on topic.

I make a point to not read the comments attached to most articles (news or sports-related) because, quite honestly, 99.9% of the comments are crap.  I was reminded of this yesterday as I was reading the ESPN article on yesterday’s Cubbies/Reds game.  I was shocked to see that there were over 600 (SIX HUNDRED) comments for this article alone.

“Do that many people really want to talk about Joey Votto?” I thought to myself. 

Of course not. 

Since it was an article about the Cubbies, Cubbie fans had to chime in - and nobody had anything to say about Jon Lieber’s performance, or what the Cubbies can do to improve their starting rotation.  No, the Cubbie fans were there to talk about anything but yesterday’s game.

600+ comments of crap that had nothing to do with the game.  Why were these people even here?  Do they not have friends?  Families?  Lives?

What?! You actually want to read the comments? Go ahead. I dare you. Within seconds you’ll actually feel your brain turn to the consistency of an Oreo Cookie that fell into your glass of milk, but you forgot about it until you finished the glass of milk half an hour later and you don’t see it until it was stuck to the bottom of the glass.  Forever.

It’s exactly like that.

You know what, I’ll save you the trouble.  Here is my interpretation of the comments you will see attached to every single article about the Cubbies:

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I just didn’t see any way that the Reds were going to be on the losing end of a Jon Lieber/Edinson Volquez battle. 

Hitting four homeruns in one inning, seven in the game, and three by Joey Votto - well, I didn’t see that, either.

So, if you believe Ryan Dempster (which nobody really does), then the Reds just won 2 of 3 against the 2008 World Series champion Cubbies, and are 3-3 against them this season.

It may not be much, but it’s a start.  The Reds are off to New York next to play the Mets, where they will surely be knocked back down to Earth.

Ken Griffey, Jr. is my favorite baseball player. Period. The fact that Griffey ever ended up in a Reds uniform is an achievement in itself.  The Reds will never see a player of Griffey’s caliber walk through their doors again. 

At least not wearing a Reds uniform.

Junior deserves better than the crap factory that’s been on the field in Cincinnati during his tenure with the Reds. That’s why after the buzz has died down from Griffey’s 600th homerun, the Reds should actively look to trade him.

You don’t need to read between the lines of this article to see that Griffey feels the same way.

A lot of people (including me) forget that a lot of Junior’s deal was back-loaded:

“Money had nothing to do with me” leaving, says Griffey, adding he was offered an eight-year, $138 million extension from the Mariners. He wound up signing a nine-year, $116.5 million deal with Cincinnati, deferring $57.5 million in hope that the Reds would be able to build a championship club around him. It never happened.

Those last three words are worth repeating: It never happened

Griffey is in his ninth (!) season with the Reds, and what did they do with that deferred money to make the club better? Sign Eric Milton?

This guy has suffered some catastrophic injuries in a Reds uniform, and every time he has busted his ass to come back and continue to be a pretty damn good player.  Ken Griffey, Jr. at 50% is ten times better than most people on the Cincinnati Reds, and thirty-two times* better than Corey Patterson.

Junior deserves better.  Trade him to a team where he can be the contributing member of a championship caliber team, because it sure as Hell isn’t going to happen in Cincinnati.

You can have him.

Seriously. Be my guest.

What are you waiting for?

(AP Photo/Al Behrman)

I’ve gotten so used to watching the Reds lose, I didn’t even realize they were in the midst of a five-game losing streak.  I’m glad it’s over.

Francisco Cordero sure made it interesting in the 9th, didn’t he?  Man, I was so ready to rip him a new one if he gave up the lead, but thanks to the (questionable) tag-out at home plate, and the too-close-for-comfort out at first base to end the game, Cordero escaped.  Barely.

I’ll give Cordero the benefit of the doubt, though.  When your team is losing games by seven runs - as the Reds often do - the closer tends to not get much work.

Johnny Cueto looked much, much better.  Personally, I would’ve yanked him in the 5th inning.  It was clear he was out of gas, and that inning had the potential to be ugly, but everything worked out in the end.

Did anyone miss not seeing Corey Patterson in the lineup?  Me neither.

And Felix Pie might be useless at the plate, but that was a nice catch to rob Junior of #598.  That’s okay, because Griffey robbed Alfonso Soriano of extra bases (if not a homerun) with a nice catch, making Soriano’s .177 batting average look that much sweeter.  Money well spent.

It’s Carlos Zambrano vs. Aaron Harang on Tuesday.  I predict the game will take 41 minutes.

Regardless of how grim things look for the Reds right now, we should all look forward to the May 22 match-up against… Indiana Jones.

Yup, that’s right.  The Reds will square off against the grizzled old archaeologist in what will surely be a battle for the ages.

P.S. No, I’m not responsible for this.  See for yourself.

Send Bronson Arroyo to the minors. Tonight. Keep him there until he can prove that he can pitch. I don’t care how much the dude makes, he’s an absolute nightmare right now.  I’d tell him to give up baseball to pursue his music career, but he’s a horrible singer and he plays lame cover songs.  If there’s one thing he does worse than pitching in the Major Leagues, it’s that silly little band of his.

And while we’re at it, Bronson, cut that ridiculous hair of yours.   You look like my fifth grade English teacher.  She was a woman.

I’ve never been a big fan of yours, Arroyo.  Ever since you were traded here all you did was whine about how much you miss Boston and that Cincinnati isn’t the same.  BOO-HOO!  We’ve put up with your sucky pitching way longer than Red Sox Nation would have, so thank your lucky stars you’re still not there.  They would’ve crucified you by now.

Josh Fogg. Would somebody cut this ass?  Now!  Send him home.  Send him to another team. I don’t care, just don’t have him on the Reds roster anymore.  If you need someone to break the news to him, I’m available.  Give me his cellphone number, because I’d be happy to give him a call and tell him just how much he sucks.

I hate this team right now.  To quote my Dad (usually said in response to the Bengals), they’re a bunch of bums!  Screw September call-ups, let the youth movement begin today.  Implode this team.  Could it really get any worse than it already has?

P.S. Josh Fogg… you SUCK!

I wrote this before Saturday’s game - assuming the worst - but despite Belisle’s decent outing against the Braves, I’ve decided to post it anyway.

I mean, it’s not like I have a lot to say about the Reds “offense” right now.

This is an ode
An ode to Matt Belisle
Because the last time he won a game
Well… it’s been awhile

Your fastballs are slow
Your sinkers don’t sink
How dumb do you think we are?
Less than you think

You give up runs
At a staggering pace
With every pitch of yours
We fall further out of the pennant race

Your ERA is as high
As the national debt
Whenever you take the mound
My brow drips with sweat

I blame Corey on Dusty
And you know what that says
That no matter how horrible you are
You’ll always be better than Neifi Perez

And so ends the first - and last - piece of poetry I will ever write.

Just thought you’d like to know that your Cincinnati Reds are tied for the second worst record in all of baseball.

And yes, “all of baseball” means the American and National Leagues.

Rob Dibble, Norm Charlton and Randy Meyers, you have company - Edinson Volquez is flat out nasty.

 Yes, the Reds lost (again), but what can you do when Tim Hudson pitches like he did?

That was a rhetorical question.

There was an article on ESPN today about this weekend’s pitching match-ups.  The Volquez/Hudson match up was one of the games mentioned and someone was so inclined to leave the following comment: 

Edinson Volquez + Dusty Baker = Edinson Volquez done in two years.

Imagine that - a misinformed comment from someone that doesn’t know what they’re talking about.  On the Internet, no less.

I am by no means a Dusty Baker fan, so have a seat and grab your favorite beverage while I defend him for what will surely be the only time this season.

You see, Dusty Baker got the reputation of riding young pitchers into the ground because he did just that with Kerry Wood and Mark Prior.  But you know what, the Cubs were in the middle of a playoff hunt, so he had to ride them.  If he didn’t - no playoffs, Cubbies.

The Reds probably aren’t going to the playoffs this year (there, I said it), so what benefit could Baker possibly have in riding Volquez and Cueto into the ground?

Another rhetorical question.

And now you know why you’ll never see similar, uninformed comments on Chris Sabo’s Goggles.  Because I’ll delete them.

Fortunately, Reds fans are smart and rarely leave uninformed comments. 

Yeah… tell John Fay that.